Water

It's been quieter. Until last night.

I got home late. He said the kids had been good while I was gone. A relief for me. It was getting late, and they were still outside. I herded them in, checked my email while he went down the hall to help them get ready for bed. Then the yelling started.

I went to their room. They were messing around, not getting their pjs on quickly. Stalling. Nothing new. But the youngest was starting to get worked up. The youngest is sensitive, sometimes needs to be treated with kid gloves, especially when a meal is skipped. I'd left food, I'd been making food for a friend's party all day. But there's this disconnect between my husband and dinner. If he's not hungry, then why bother with dinner? And I have to be away three nights a week this summer. Anyway, I'm drifting. I'm tired.

So the youngest had gotten worked up in the space of two minutes while I checked my email. And called dad a name. And dad did not like that. Of course not, who would?

The problem is, dad had had too much to drink again, and had no patience whatsoever. He was in the youngest's face. It was difficult to determine who was the child and who was the adult. So I intervened, told my husband to just go, cool off, I've got it. I said this calmly. I do everything calmly.

The youngest went into the bathroom to brush teeth. My other kid was in there already. I loaded up brushes with toothpaste, supervised. The youngest was still crying. The youngest was tired. It was late. I had things under control.

And then something hit me from behind, hit the youngest in the face. A cup of water. My husband threw a cup of water on us, on my youngest.

I yelled. I know I yelled because my throat was sore afterwards. I swung around and hit my husband in the arm. I can't believe I did that. And in front of my kids.

I yelled at him to go, just go. Get out. Go downstairs and cool off. He wouldn't. He stood in the doorway. He was so angry. He said he did it to shut the kid up. He wouldn't budge. I wanted to get out of there, get my youngest into dry pjs, get myself dried off.

I don't even remember if I pushed past him, or if he finally got out of the way. I got the youngest calmed down and into dry pjs The oldest took everything in stride. Too much in stride. Way too much in stride. They picked out books and I read to them. I could hear him in the kitchen, doing a chore he never does normally, and never at this time of night. He's usually on the computer while I put the kids to bed. Then he goes in to kiss them goodnight.

I came out to the kitchen after reading. Still wet. He didn't acknowledge me. I asked him if he was going to go in and tell them goodnight. He said they could wait. I could hear them getting wound up again. One came out, asking after dad. He followed the kid back in. I could hear him lecturing.

So of course we had a fight when he got back to the kitchen. And it boils down to this. He wasn't sorry. The kid deserved it, and I was just in the way. And why was I upset about that? I was just in the way. I told him it didn't matter, if he hit one of the kids, he hit me, whether I was there or not. He said I always sided with them. (As if this were a war.) I went back to saying that I couldn't believe what he just did. He said he deserved an apology, from the kid and from me. That I never make the kids apologize to him when something like this happens.

This seems so fucked up to me. Why should they have to apologize for this? For the name-calling yes, of course. And I would have told the kid to do just that. But first the kid needed to calm down. And that wasn't going to happen with a drunk father yelling in the face.

All of this is not how I thought it was going to be. But my question is, is it normal?

Because I don't know. I don't know if I should be packing us into the car right now, or if I'm being dramatic. It was water, not a fist. It was just water, but I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated. And I don't know what it's doing to the kids.

It's not even the water. It's the lack of remorse from him. But should I expect remorse? Am I asking too much? Am I in the wrong? Does he deserve an apology?

The kid is young. The kid was tired. I don't think this is right.

What's normal?

Oh, and today's our 15th anniversary.